


Trial One: Selected Response

by Turacoverdin



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Surreal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28262889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turacoverdin/pseuds/Turacoverdin
Summary: Subaru looked down, then up at Emilia.“What in tarnation,” she muttered to herself, chewing on the tip of her pencil.“Who even says tarnation any more?” Subaru asked no one.CHEATING IS NOT ALLOWED,blared the wall in front of him.“Sorry,” Subaru whispered, ducking his head to stare at the sheet of paper in front of him.Echidna's trial is not what Subaru expected.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	Trial One: Selected Response

  
Subaru looked down, then up at Emilia.

“What in tarnation,” she muttered to herself, chewing on the tip of her pencil.

“Who even says tarnation any more,” Subaru asked no one.

_CHEATING IS NOT ALLOWED,_ blared the wall in front of him.

“Sorry,” Subaru whispered, ducking his head to stare at the sheet of paper in front of him.

 _TRIAL ONE, it read, SELECTED RESPONSE PORTION._

_1) An echidna is_

  1. _a mammal_
  2. _a soup_
  3. _I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING_
  4. _a reptile_



Subaru stared at the paper. He circled _1._

This was not what he had been expecting when he was first informed that no one ever completed the trials. Thinking back on his meeting with Echidna, though, it made a bit more sense.

 _“Take the trial,” she’d said._

 _“—trial? What trial?” Subaru had echoed, standing up._

 _“Echidnas (/ɪˈkɪdnəz/), sometimes known as spiny anteaters,[1] belong to the family Tachyglossidae /tækiˈɡlɒsɪdiː/ in the monotreme order of egg-laying mammals. The four extant species of echidnas and the platypus are the only living mammals that lay eggs and the only surviving members of the order Monotremata.[2] The diet of some species consists of ants and termites, but they are not closely related to the true anteaters of the Americas, which are xenarthrans, along with sloths and armadillos. Echidnas live in Australia and New Guinea.” Echidna smiled beatifically. The expression looked incredibly strange and terrifying on her face, mostly because her face was, like her body, an echidna’s. “You have all you need to enter and complete it. I believe in you.”_

 _“I really don’t—“ Subaru started to say._

 _“Echidnas evolved between 20 and 50 million years ago, descending from a platypus-like monotreme.[3] This ancestor was aquatic, but echidnas adapted to life on land.[3]” Echidna lifted one paw, and Subaru woke up._

Subaru glanced back up from the test. Emilia’s face was even more distressed. He wanted to comfort her, but the screen still read _CHEATING IS NOT ALLOWED,_ and he did not want to test the consequences of that. Subaru had a very healthy fear of death, thank you very much.

He looked back down at the paper.

 _2) What is the diet of the echidna?_

  1. _KNOWLEDGE_
  2. _Insects_
  3. _YOUR SUFFERING_
  4. _Pastries_



Subaru thought back to Echidna’s speech once more. He chose _b._

 _3\. What is the average lifespan of a wild echidna?_

  1. _An estimated 14-16 years_
  2. _HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THE PEOPLE YOU LEFT BEHIND?_
  3. _I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM_
  4. _THINK_



Subaru thought for a bit. He circled _1._ “Thank you, Wikipedia,” he said aloud, to no one. His hands were shaking.

 _4\. Fill in the blanks using the words provided. Not all words may be used._

 _ **An echidna, like the ______, is one of the only mammals that lays eggs. An echidna can only lay ____ egg at a time.**_

 _WORD BANK:_

_YOU’RE WELCOME, SUBARU._  
_Platypus_  
_Ground Dragon_  
_YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH YOUR FAMILY_  
_YOU WEREN’T_  
_DO YOU MISS THEM?_  
_DO YOU THINK THEY MISS YOU?_  
_One_  
_TWELVE_

Subaru made the executive decision to never think or talk about Wikipedia ever again. He penciled _platypus_ and _one_ into the blanks.

It took Subaru a while to look down for the next question. There was no next question.

 _LEAVE YOUR PAPER ON THE TABLE AND ENTER THE LOBBY. YOU WILL BE INFORMED OF YOUR RESULTS SHORTLY._

Subaru stood, looking around. There was a door that had not been there before. He opened it with one final glance back at Emilia. She had fallen out of her chair and was curled up in a ball on the ground. Subaru hesitated, then turned to go to her. The door, which was suddenly in front of him, slammed in his face.

The lobby was as bare as the trial room. Subaru could not remember anything about the appearance of the trial room, only that there was a screen and a table and a test and Emilia, and that it was just as bare as the lobby.

There was a clock there, and facing it a chair. Subaru sat down. The clock’s ticking made him sleepy. Subaru started counting Pucks, because thinking of Puck no longer made Subaru sleepy. Thinking of Puck did not stop Subaru from thinking about the trial. Subaru thought about the trial. Subaru thought about his family. Subaru thought that he probably shouldn’t cry while awaiting the results of the trial. Subaru ended up crying anyways.

Subaru was on three-hundred and eighty-four Pucks when a paper was slid under the door.

 _CONGRATULATIONS, it read, YOU PASSED. SCORE: 100%_

 _YOU MAY PROCEED TO TRIAL TWO OR EXIT THE TESTING LOCATION._

Subaru looked up. There were two new doors. The old one was gone.

 _EXIT,_ promised one door.

 _TRAIL TWO,_ warned the other. _FREE RESPONSE PORTION._

Subaru took one look at the second door and bolted through the exit door, screaming.  


**Author's Note:**

> this would not get out of my head


End file.
